


"Smoke then, and think of him"

by holbytlanna



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: 2.10, Angst, Bozer's wisdom, Gen, Good Friend Wilt Bozer (MacGyver TV 2016), Lord of the Rings references/spoilers, War Room + Ship, minor character death referenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:09:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29957325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holbytlanna/pseuds/holbytlanna
Summary: I know the title's kinda weird, it makes sense I promiseBozer brings home from the store some ice cream and wisdom for a spiralling Mac. Set a few weeks after 2.10 War Room + Ship
Relationships: Wilt Bozer & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Zoe Kimura & Angus MacGyver
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	"Smoke then, and think of him"

**Author's Note:**

> It helps if you understand the LotR book reference I'm making, but I think I've explained it alright in the story. Feel free to ask in comments if it's not clear, though :)

One of Mac’s favourite places in Mission City is the ice cream parlor across the street from Burger Nirvana. It’s a small town, there were only like twelve flavours, but they had Rocky Road, and that was all a little Angus MacGyver could ever want. 

Chocolate, nuts and marshmallow is the winning combination, no matter what Jack says about strawberry with hot fudge. Rocky road has always been Mac’s favourite.

Until now. Because it was Zoe’s too. 

It’s only been a few weeks. Since she died. Since he failed to save her along with her students. 

So when Bozer brings some ice cream home from the store, trying to cheer him up because it’s been weeks and  _ dammit I need to pull myself together if even Bozer’s noticing, _ he tells him he doesn’t want any. And that’s true enough, he doesn’t want the ice cream, but he also doesn’t want yet another reminder of the promises he’s broken and all the things Zoe will never be able to do again because he couldn’t save her. 

Bozer is confused. Of course he is, he didn’t hear Mac and Zoe talking. He had been at spy school. He’s heard about what had happened, of course, but he doesn’t  _ know. _

“I’ve never seen you turn down Rocky Road, Mac, it’s your favourite.”

“Yeah, well, I…” Mac doesn’t know what to say. “Thanks, Boze, but I can’t— She—”

“Zoe?” Bozer asks, face softening. 

“It’s… it  _ was _ her favourite flavour. Those were the last words I heard from her, before… Before the video cut.”  _ Before she drowned in freezing water. _ “We were talking about ice cream.” He chuckles because it was such a silly thing to have been talking about, and he wishes he actually feels like laughing. “We had hoped to get some together when she came to LA, but, uh...” his voice breaks, and he trails off, looking at his hands. He had held that match that she had asked to light together until it burned his fingers.

Mac had agonised over that day nearly every night. He couldn’t sleep, thinking of other variables, other materials, other ways he could have saved her too because  _ dammit  _ she didn’t deserve to die, not like that. Alone and cold. And he’s gotten call after call from grateful students and parents. He’s gracious over the phone, but every call drives the knife in a little deeper, that he missed one. There’s one person who isn’t going home to her family. 

He can’t save everyone. He knows that. He was a soldier, for goodness’ sake. He  _ knows  _ that not everyone goes home. 

But Zoe should have. 

“You did everything you could, Mac.”

And yes, through all of Mac’s midnight calculations and planning, he knows that he and Zoe did everything right. “That doesn’t make it hurt any less, Boze,” he sighs. “I’m gonna pass on the ice cream. Thanks. But I can’t… I don’t…” Why is it so hard to put words to his thoughts? He doesn’t want Rocky Road because he doesn’t want to remember right now. He doesn’t want to forget what happened, per se, but right now, he doesn’t want to have that glaring failure in his face. He just wants to push it down like every other failure. Roll it into a ball and never let it see daylight and hope it hurts less someday.

“She should be home now, warm and safe and eating her own Rocky Road. And she’s not. I can’t stop thinking that it’s my fault. I… I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to eat Rocky Road again without thinking of her.”

Bozer then says something Mac doesn’t understand in the slightest: “Smoke then, and think of him!”

“What? Smoke?” He’s completely taken aback. It sounds like Bozer quoted something, but Mac doesn’t know what it is or how it relates to Zoe and ice cream. “I don’t understand.”

Bozer smiles sadly. “It’s from Lord of the Rings. The books. I made you read them a bajillion years ago, remember?”

“Yeah, you were obsessed when the movies came out.” They had gone and watched them in Mission City’s tiny theater when they were barely in middle school. Bozer had been so excited that he had read all the books and made Mac read them too.

“That’s because they were awesome.” Bozer sits down, setting both his and Mac’s bowls on the coffee table. “Still are. The CGI has held up really well, even fifteen years later. Anyway, remember how Merry swore fealty to Théoden King?”

Mac hums assent, not sure where Bozer is going with this.

“Théoden was a great guy. Very patient with Merry even though there wasn’t really a reason for Merry to even be there, you know? And in the books, Merry rambled on and on about pipe-weed, and Théoden laughed and promised to smoke a pipe with him someday.”

Mac is starting to get where this is going. “Boze—”

“Théoden died, a hero,” he continues over Mac. “And in the Houses of Healing, Merry said he wasn’t ever going to smoke again, because he never got to with Théoden. It would make him think too much about him. And Aragorn said ‘smoke then, and think of him.’”

Mac is tired. Squashing down emotions is exhausting, and he wishes Bozer would let up trying to bring them to the surface. “What are you trying to say, Boze?”

“I’m saying, you don’t have to swear off Rocky Road forever because it reminds you of Zoe. In fact, you shouldn’t swear it off because it reminds you of her. Remember her, Mac. What happened was awful, it was. But she died a hero, giving her life saving those students. She deserves to be remembered, so remember her. The good things, like you two nerding out and bonding over ice cream flavours. The bad things will come up too, of course they will.” He sighs. “And I know you, Mac, I know how you try dealing with things. You don’t think about it, and you keep going because it hurts when you look back. But you shouldn’t try to block her out of your memory just because her story ended too soon. She doesn’t deserve that. Eat your ice cream, Mac. And think of her.”

Mac has tears in his eyes. Bozer’s right, of course. Mac is often surprised by Bozer’s wisdom, though he knows by now he shouldn’t be. He knows that Bozer understands grief, and bittersweet memories. He had to walk by Josh’s closed bedroom door every day until he moved into Mac’s house. Living through what he has has made Bozer wise beyond his years, even if his wisdom often takes the form of pop-culture references. 

Zoe’s death was tragic, and Mac knows that it will continue to haunt him for a long time to come, but Bozer is right: she died a hero, to save her students. That kind of sacrifice is worthy of remembrance. 

Mac picks up his quickly-melting bowl of ice cream, and remembers. 


End file.
